Have you ever wondered if humanity has plateaued? We discovered fire and accomplished a stack with the element. Our intricate social systems, space travel and mutated planet are all owed to our innovation with the flame. Having said that, we did crash the Titanic in to an iceberg, made a movie about it, rebooted said movie and then went ahead and made another Titanic in case the other one was getting lonely in the icy depths.
Ever since fire, we’ve skyrocketed straight into the stars, but unfortunately after the spark we kind of just stagnated and the bickering between us became nuclear. Next thing you know ‘Spider-Man’ has been rebooted three times in a decade, we’re waiting for the rerelease of ‘Baywatch’ and the West is still waging war for oil. Neither the real world nor the film world appears to be moving forward, and it seems the only recycling tips we’ve picked up are plotlines, politics and franchises.
We are fighting the same fights and telling the same stories. No matter if you’re watching the six o’clock news or the latest Marvel flick, it’s become apparent that the world will always run on superheroes and reboots.
Growing up, I would roll my eyes at my Dad whenever he threw shade at a modern remake. To this day, I can still remember him shaking his head in reproach at Ugly Kid Joe’s cover of Harry Chapin’s ‘Cat’s In the Cradle’.
To my adolescent mind, my father was an old fuddy-duddy who couldn’t appreciate new, modern takes on boring, outdated originals. In hindsight, he was young (in his thirties) and much more knowledgeable than I on classics versus imitations.
It is ironic then that now, in my early forties, I find myself sounding like my father. With mounting horror I have watched many of the movies that shaped my adolescence be remade, and I am so outraged at the thought, that I have boycotted the idea of ever watching them.
Anyone other than Kevin Bacon tearing up the dancefloor in ‘Footloose’? No thanks. Someone else other than Patrick Swayze protecting Baby from the corner? No siree, Bob! And please, I ain’t got time for any Ghostbusters other than Peter, Ray, Egon and Winston.
Is nothing in Hollywood sacred? Is no blockbuster untouchable? One day, someone other than Julie Andrews will be twirling on top of a mountain. And I can assure you right now, it won’t be one of my favourite things.